No Love from ACL

I did not win the super special $50 tickets for the 2008 Austin City Limits music festival. Same as last year. But I remain optimistic. Surely one of these days I will be that lucky one in... what?... a thousand that wins out in the drawing. But I did cough up the money to buy 2 tickets at the earlybird price (I think that saves us about $15 per ticket so not terribly impressive). If we're feeling uninspired next year, I'm sure we'd have no problems selling them off.

To be quite honest, Greg and I weren't terribly enamored with the festival this year. It was boiling hot, which is nothing new but this year the weathermen were predicting a cold front to blow in Saturday morning. Liars! I can handle the heat. No problem. I'm a Texan. I'm used to it. But when told to expect lower temps that just don't arrive, I'm mentally beaten down. Cruel, weather dudes, very cruel. I think Dilek had it right when she said the ACL officials pay off the local stations to get a high turnout.

Besides the weather though, we weren't really inspired by any unknown (to us, anyway) bands like we have been in the past. But the acts we really wanted to see were good. Paolo Nutini was fun, although he seemed high/drunk/disoriented when we heard him on a radio interview earlier that morning at 11 a.m. Maybe that's just the way he talks. Or maybe he really was wasted before midday. He sang most of his set doubled over in an awkward hunch. That just can't be good for his 20-year-old body (damn, am I showing my age?). He sang a song about pot-smoking. I wish I could remember the words because they were pretty funny, but that was the most animated he performed in the whole set. I was crushed up close with the standing-room-only crowd because Paolo just so happens to sing my personal theme song New Shoes. (Do you have a theme song? You should really work on that if you don't.) So I thank him for making that the second song in his set so I could retreat back to the more open, cooler spaces in the back. The next big act I was waiting for was Andrew Bird. Loooove him! And he did not disappoint, although I have to say I slightly prefer his solo act when I first saw him opening for Ani Difranco. He was amazing at that show, looping recorded sounds to make a one man band! Then for the last act of the night, we caught Arcade Fire. We fell in love with these guys when they played at ACL a few years back. I'm happy to see that their fan base has grown considerably since then. We did sneak out early though. I hated missing the last of AF's set, but I just cannot stand to be in the crush of people all filtering out of the narrow gaps at once at the end. I get entirely too claustrophobic and anxious. Too many other bodies touching me. Breathing too much recycled air. Too much body heat and sweat transfer. Ew, no.

But I have our tickets for next year. Now all we have to do is wait another 10 months to see who's playing. Patience is a virtue, right.

Wood Floors!

Well, its done. We've finally committed to a company and flooring choice for our house. I called the guy today to give him my credit card details. Ouch! The wood is ordered, they're dropping it off at our house on Friday to acclimate, and we have an appointment for installation on Monday! I can't believe it! Less than week to go!

We chose hickory as our wood of choice.


Its over 25% harder than oak and maple, and the kind we chose is not too dark so it won't suck all the light out of our north facing living room.

I'm going to have a super long day at work that Monday, but when I get home at 9:30 p.m. I am so looking forward to just sitting back and basking in the glory that is wood floors.

Dodging Bullets

My advisor just walked in and asked me cryptically Have you been good? And nothing else.

There are a number of things to which he could be referring here:

1. working on writing my dissertation - um, not this week-end...
2. finishing multiple choice questions for his class's first exam - only about 1/2 done...
3. writing an abstract for a conference so to that he can enjoy a fabulous tropical island vacation with some professor buddies under the guise of scientific exchange in which he'd present my work (so unfair) - haven't even begun to think about it and resent that I have to...
4. buying a new computer monitor because ours pooped out and I've been borrowing one of his - no attempts made thus far...
5. reporting good experimental results - well, seeing as he doesn't give two craps about my research other than the fact that it allows him a relevant excuse to attend previously mentioned conferences, I knew he wasn't asking about that...
   

In an attempt to avoid jogging his memory of any of the above points, the only response I could muster was a very guilty Well, that depends on your definition of good...

Luckily, he just wanted to share with me a recent bootleg copy of Norah Jones material. We're both big fans. Whew! :)

On a scale of one to ten, how severely does my grad school bitterness show?

The Perfect Man

Greg just read the ad below this morning, and informed me in no uncertain terms that I do, in fact, have the perfect man. With the exception of the red meat and Mac vs. PC issues, this description apparently fits him to a T.

I had the distinct impression he was fishing so...

Officially and publicly, I therefore state for the record that my husband is and will henceforth remain, in my estimation, the perfect man. I fully acknowledge that I am a uniquely fortunate individual and, as such, will strive to reciprocate the desirable qualities of a loving, forgiving, accomodating partner in life. I will not take my husband for granted and will refrain from using him as an emotional punching bag when I am crabby, frustrated, irritable or touchy. I hereby promise to make honest endeavors in the normally prescribed cooking, cleaning and household responsibilities of cohabitation. Additionally, I promise to generously compliment his food, handywork and overall sexiness on a regular basis. I will endeavor to keep my evil impulses under reasonable control, including but not limited to, booty slaps, ear sucking, pinching, teasing, and similarly aggressive, unprovoked activites. I will occasionally surprise my husband with random acts of generosity and thoughtfulness. I will strive to continue to surprise, inspire, impress, motivate, encourage, and respect my husband as I hope I have done thus far.

Sincerely yours, Larisa W K

High Hopes from Craigslist

My friend Chris just passed this on to me. Its a hilarious personal ad listed on Craigslist by someone here in Austin. If I were single and were so inclined to post a personal ad, I would want mine to read exactly like this...

...well, maybe with a few minor modifications.

Austin blonde seeks soulmate/dream-man - 28

Reply to: pers-427440031@craigslist.org

Date: 2007-09-20, 1:15PM CDT

Seeking hot (but not too hot— no cocky bastards,) male, single, culturally-aware monogamist. Must be d/d-free, non-smoker. 6' tall or over is strongly preferred, but no giants.

Must enjoy concerts, balconies/patios/decks, my gay cat, and high-maintenance blondes who think they know everything and try to tell everyone what to do all the time, but only because they're trying to help. Must be able to throw me over your shoulder and/or drag me across the parking lot by my hair when I get out of hand.

Must have a really good job - I'm expensive.

No Aggies. No D&D. No BDSM (fuzzy handcuffs excluded.)

Must have no hang-ups about prescribed and truly effective psychotropic medications, discreet and classy acrylic nails, or 2 hours of hair-blow-drying time, 2 to 3 times per week.

No red-meat eaters. Pescetarians preferred, but not required.

(look it up.)

Mac-users only; no PCs.

NO PROFESSIONAL MUSICIANS, ROADIES, BOUNCERS, BARTENDERS, OR WAITERS.

Must hate the Dave Matthews Band.

Must understand the meaning of the term "post-punk." Former high school freaks and weirdos preferred. Record collectors are a HUGE plus. Must love The Smiths and/or The Cure and/or Radiohead and/or The Pixies. Dandy Warhols fans and Shins fans get extra points.

Must generally prefer Red River, South Congress, and the east side over 6th Street (concerts at the Parish excluded.)

College degree required, but equivalent work experience may be acceptable, depending on the situation. Extra points for grad school, but no 'professional students.'

No gym-rats.

Must truly truly truly enjoy oral sex- the giving part. This is crucial. It's a total deal-breaker. Reciprocation will be frequent, excellent, and enthusiastic.

ABSOLUTELY NO RACISTS OR HOMOPHOBES.

Also, no neo-cons or Evangelical Christians. In fact, any kind of Christian is gonna have a pretty rough time. Agnostics and Buddhists preferred. Atheists ok.

Tattoo-free is preferred. A few discreet ones are ok, but not if they involve cartoon characters, barbed wire, or daggers. Or skulls. Or dragons or snakes.

Moderate drinking is strongly preferred over non-drinkers, but that doesn't mean it's ok to be a drunk. No drunks!

No metalheads. It's ok if you were into that stuff growing up, but you shouldn't have any Iron Maiden in your car, man. Not cool.

No 20-somethings. 30+ only please. 36 is perfect. Under 40 is preferred, but if you seriously meet all of these requirements, I don't care if you're 110.

My hair hangs to about 5 inches below my shoulders; yours should be significantly shorter. No hippies. No vagabonds. Must not frequently describe yourself as "outdoorsy" or "free-spirited," but environmentally conscious recyclers are preferred.

Metrosexuals ok, but no crunchy hair gel.

ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY NO YANKEES FANS!!! Seriously. That's a big one.

Must not aspire to ever moving to Dallas, or even consider it, honestly. Unless its for a job with a mid-six-figure or higher salary, and you're not opposed to having a stay-at-home wife. Must definitely want marriage and kids-- no being wishy-washy about it.

Home ownership preferred, but not required.

CAR OWNERSHIP REQUIRED, but no Hummers.

Must have all teeth. If one got knocked out during a baseball game when you were a kid, that's fine, but you should have a prosthetic or a bridge or something by now, right? I mean, come on.

Must not pee on the DVD player or in the t-shirt drawer or similar because you thought it was the toilet while half-drunk and half-asleep in the middle of the night.

No frequent free-ballers.

No light-sleepers. Insomniacs ok. But if you're one of those guys who wakes up in the morning and walks around and talks to me and everything, but you're not actually awake, and you're not making any sense, then forget it. That seriously frustrates me.

Must use better than average grammar, syntax, and vocabulary. Off-the-cuff ability to accurately define the word "ironic" is a plus. Must not ever use the following words or phrases:

coolio

dealio

chillin' like a villain

Must not ever call me "sweetie" because I totally hate that.

I'm going to reiterate this one: drug-free. Seriously.

No blow, even if it's only occasional. No potheads. No former potheads who still own "420" baseball caps. Nobody who claims, "I only do mushrooms like once a year when I go camping with my buddies from high school." Nobody who will ask me to do X with them "just this once" at some New Years' Eve party or outdoor music festival.

Must live alone. No roommates.*

*Special allowances may be granted in extreme situations, at my discretion, but not if your 'roommates' are also your parents.

Must hate George W. Bush.

Okay, hate is a strong word- must adamantly disapprove of the presidential leadership of George W. Bush. Daily Show viewers are preferred.

Being an animal-lover (or at least animal-friendly) is a requirement. Cat-owners preferred, but dog-owners are ok (unless your dog is huge AND stinky AND sheds all over the place AND jumps all over me and licks me, because I hate that.) NO HUNTERS.

NO WORLD OF WARCRAFT ENTHUSIASTS. No role-players or gamers. Ownership of PS2 or equivalent is not preferred, but may be accepted if playing is mild and infrequent and generally gets old after about an hour.

No chain-wallets. No emo fans. Must own more pants that actually fit than pants that would allow others to see your underwear if you lifted up your shirt.

No frequent golfers. No Round Rock residents or Dell employees (unless aspiring to change residency/employment in the very near future.)

Must be kid-free, but no virgins.

No felons.



Now I ask you, is that really so unreasonable?

Massacre

We had our second soccer game tonight. This time there were five girls instead of 4, which made life a lot easier. But we finished with an abysmal 10-0 loss. Plus I sacrificed my left ovary to block a shot on goal. Something tells me my future babies will not appreciate that sacrifice.

But I got off easy compared to Dilek. She got slammed hard with a soccer ball right in the eye... ...from our own goalie. Poor thing is going to have one hell of shiner for her trip to San Francisco this week-end.

Soon To Be Poverty Stricken

After two years of talking about it, we're finally committing! We're getting quotes from local contractors to rip out our ugly ass, trampled carpet and replace it with lovely, luxurious wood floors. The first one came at 7 o'clock this morning. The second will be there at 6 p.m. tonight. Yippee!

The babies, however, are going to be considerably less excited. They've grown fond of sharpening their claws and systemically ripping out fibers along the edges of the carpeting. Just inside our bedroom its practically threadbare from under-the-door protests at being locked out during the nights. At least, the carpets should be nice and loose for removal.

Ha ha, devil kittehs! We've foiled your evil plots once again!



Interesting side note:
The contractor this morning equated the force applied by the spike of a high heel while walking with that of an elephant's. I'm sure all the ladies out there will be happy to know that with each and every step she takes, she's making the same impact as that of the planet's largest land mammal. Lovely.

Losers

My eternal poker losing streak continued to haunt me last night at Chris's. On the bright side, though, I did win the new 2008 Naked calendar for being the first person to go out that evening. And Greg pulled out second place so after carrying my dead weight, we still came out one kick-ass calendar and $10 in the black. WooHoo!

At the game was also our friend Jim, who just got back into town after 4 years in Hawaii. We met up with him for the first time since his return at ACL, and if I hadn't been prepared, I never would have recognized him. Since he's been away, he's completely transformed himself. When he left, he was an overweight somewhat unhappy guy. As my husband would describe it, he had a dark cloud hovering over him. Well, apparently that Hawaiian living has done the boy good. He's lost over one hundred pounds and is now a kick ass triathlete! His whole attitude has changed along with his body. We couldn't believe it. And apparently we weren't the only ones. Twice that night we reintroduced him to old acquaintances who insisted they had never met him before. It was priceless seeing recognition slowly dawn on them and then the shock. The most common reaction was a wide-eyed, gaping-mouthed Holy shit! I'm sure Jim's tired of that by now, but I love it. Good for you, amigo!

ADD

Have you ever just had so much to do/think about/plan/coordinate that your brain rebels by refusing to remain focused on any one item for longer than 10 minutes before moving on to the next pressing matter, leaving you incapable of finishing any single task so you can finally mark it off your list, but rather allows you only to scratch the surface of each project, thereby leaving you with an ever lengthening to-do list, a churning tummy, a shortness of breath, and an almost uncontrollable desire to scream F--- IT! and drop everything?

Just wondering. Me, I've got everything under complete control.

Gearing Up for ACL

Its finally here! We have passes for an all day musical lovefest at the Austin City Limits festival tomorrow. This will be my fourth ACL. The first couple of years we bought 3-day passes, but after the festival in 2005 when Zilker Park was transformed into one huge, brown dustball from crazy heat and grass pummeled to death, we downgraded to the one-day passes. Three days killed me both years - the heat, dehydration, massive crowds and brown boogers for the whole of the following week... I just can't hack it anymore, and it was not enjoyable. A few of our friends even said they were coughing up blood after inhaling all that dust in '05. Ew. Who wants that?

So we're going on Saturday. I'm a bit disappointed because Amy Winehouse, one of the big names I wanted to see this year cancelled. Apparently, she's worn herself toxic from all the booze, heroin, cocaine, horse tranquillizers, and heaven-knows-what-else that she regularly pumps into her system. Gotta get yourself to rehab, girl! And then just last week The White Stripes cancelled too. Boo. But its sure to be a great day nonetheless. Besides, this festival has always been about discovering new music for us so I guess its good that our schedule is more open now. I'm still super stoked to see Paolo Nutini, Andrew Bird and Arcade Fire though!

Ok, I'm off to hydrate and mentally prepare myself for brush-ups against sweaty strangers' limbs. Wish us good weather and TP in the portapotties!