Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Baby Breaks

If you have the means, I highly suggest taking periodic breaks in your work week for 20- to 40-minute cuddle sessions with yummy, irresistible, little infants. Although this activity has been documented to illicit, on occasion, raging cases of baby fever, the therapeutic benefits far outweigh the risks.

It just so happens that the cutest infant within my immediate vicinity is one, Ms. Elizabeth Grace Hall, daughter of Brad and Alisha Hall. Alisha brings Ms. Lizzy into the office 3 days a week because her bosses are just that awesome (and Alisha's ability to keep their collective shit together affords her great understanding and flexibility from these bosses).

As soon as I learned Ms. Lizzy was on the premises, I scheduled an impromptu 30-minute session. Our meeting consisted of cradling, rocking, and rhythmic patting of the bottom. (That patting of the bottom is her 'off' switch, by the way. As soon as I started, she was rendered incapacitated. Her eyes started rolling into the back of her skull, and she was gone.) Therapy also included an intensive lesson in restraint. I can't be the only one tempted to gum baby fingers, toes, and noses. They were put there to torment me with their cuteness and edibility.

The only repercussions from our meeting is a sore and cramping right bicep and shoulder. As yet I am not skilled enough to rotate yummy, irresistible infants from one arm to the other. Therefore, during our next session on Friday, I will use further cradling, rocking and patting of the bottom to exercise the opposite arm.

My phone camera picture of yummy, irresistible, little Lizzy wasn't saved so you'll just have to take my word for it that she is, in fact, yummy and irresistible and very little.

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